Separation Anxiety and Sleep: Why Your Child Suddenly Can’t Sleep Without You
If your child suddenly needs you more at bedtime, you are not imagining it — and you haven’t done anything wrong. Many parents search things like “why won’t my toddler sleep without me?”, “separation anxiety at bedtime” or “my baby wakes up crying for me every night” because what was once a calm bedtime has turned into tears, clinginess and frequent night waking. This can be exhausting, emotional and confusing — especially when your child was previously sleeping well.
The good news is that this is very often linked to separation anxiety and sleep changes — a normal and important stage of emotional development, not bad habits or parenting mistakes.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a stage where your child becomes more aware that you exist even when you are not in the room — and that realisation can feel scary.
It often appears:
Between 8–18 months
Again in toddlers and preschoolers
During times of change, growth or emotional development
Your child’s brain is learning:
“Mum or Dad can leave… and I don’t know when they will come back.”
This is actually a sign of a strong, healthy attachment, but it can make bedtime and sleep feel much harder.
Why separation anxiety affects sleep and bedtime so much
Bedtime is when your child has to separate from you for the longest stretch of the day, which is why toddler separation anxiety and sleep problems often show up so strongly at night.
When the lights go out and the house goes quiet:
Tiredness lowers their ability to cope
The dark can feel unfamiliar
Their imagination becomes more active
They are suddenly alone with their thoughts
That’s why separation anxiety often shows up as:
Crying when you leave the room
Wanting you to stay until they fall asleep
Waking frequently overnight and calling for you
Refusing to settle unless you are close
Parents often worry they are “creating a dependency”, but what’s actually happening is something much simpler:
Your child is looking for safety when their emotions feel too big.
Why this can appear ‘out of nowhere’
Many families feel confused because their child:
Used to sleep independently
Settled easily
Didn’t need much reassurance
Then suddenly… everything changes.
This happens because emotional development is not linear. Your child’s brain is growing rapidly, and with that growth comes:
Better memory
More imagination
More awareness of separation
So it’s very common for baby and toddler sleep to worsen suddenly, even after months of good nights.
This doesn’t mean your progress has disappeared.
It means your child is going through a new developmental phase.
What doesn’t help when separation anxiety is affecting sleep
When a child is feeling anxious at bedtime, approaches that rely on leaving them alone to “get used to it” often make things worse.
This is because anxiety is not behaviour — it is emotion.
Ignoring it, rushing bedtime or forcing independence can lead to:
More tears
More night waking
More clinginess
What children need in these moments is calm, predictable, emotional support — not pressure.
Can you still improve sleep when separation anxiety is present?
Yes — absolutely.
But it needs to be done in a way that:
Respects your child’s emotional needs
Builds confidence
Teaches sleep skills gently
Supporting a child through separation anxiety does not mean staying stuck in broken nights forever. It means helping them feel safe enough to sleep — which actually makes independence easier over time.
Sleep and emotional security are deeply connected.
When a child feels safe, their nervous system can relax.
And when their nervous system relaxes, sleep becomes easier.
You don’t have to choose between comfort and better sleep
If bedtime has become a battle and your child seems to need you more than ever, you are not failing — you are parenting a child who is growing emotionally.
And you don’t have to choose between:
Being there for your child
Or helping them sleep better
With the right gentle, tailored support, you can do both.
If separation anxiety is affecting your child’s sleep and your evenings feel heavy, exhausting and overwhelming, you can book a free 30-minute call to talk through what’s happening for your family and explore gentle ways to bring back calmer nights.
🌙 Care to Dream — where sleep is built through connection, not crying.